HOLDING COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS

Very few school leaders look forward to or enjoy having difficult sometimes uncomfortable conversations with a colleague, employee, or parent.  We often avoid having it for as long as possible. Even though we know the conversation must be had, fear often keeps us from initiating or following through with it.  Fears such as: fear of conflict, fear of rocking the boat, fear of offending someone, or a fear of not having the "authority" to address the issue.  These fears often keep us from moving forward or addressing an issue even when we know it is negatively impacting school culture, climate or progress. When there exists a perception or actual difference in power or position, the conversation can be even more difficult to have.

Although such conversations may not be enjoyable, they don't have to be miserable or end up confrontational.  What if... instead of assuming a conversation is going to be "difficult," you mentally framed these hard conversations as "courageous" and they proved to be a leadership opportunity?

But what exactly is a "courageous conversation?"

A courageous conversation is a discussion between two people characterized by the following:

• Differing opinions
• Heightened emotions
• High stakes

The goal of a courageous conversation is to resolve differences or come to a mutually agreed upon outcome that maintains an amicable, positive working relationship between the two parties involved.

To help improve the likelihood of your next difficult conversation being a courageous conversation, consider these four steps:

1.  Think carefully about the time and place the conversation will be held.  Avoid initiating a difficult conversation "on the fly", in passing  or when you know you or the other person has someplace to be.  Ensure adequate time and a quiet, confidential location so that both you and the other person have time to listen and voice your thoughts on the matter.  It is important that both parties feel heard and validated.
2. Be open to truly listening and be present.  Turn off your devices and let you secretary or other important personnel know that you will be unavailable for a given amount of time.
3. Consider starting the conversation with one of the following non-threatening courageous conversation prompts:
   • "I'd like to chat with you about _______ but first I'd like to hear your point of view on this."
   • "(Name), I'd like to go over some of the parent issues you've been having with Mrs. Smith.  Let's meet after school today to problem-solve together. Does that time work for you?"
   • "This may be difficult to talk about but it is important we do."
   • "I think we may have differing ideas about______."  I'd like to talk to you about how we might better understand each other."
   • "I really want to hear your perspective on this and I'd like to share my thoughts as well.  I am hopeful we can come to a better understanding.  Would you like to begin?"
4. Before jumping right to a solution, recap and reframe what you believe you heard the other person say.  Ensure that you understand what they intended to say.  Pay close attention to their body language, too.  Their body language will help you recognize if they feel they were understood.  They will appear more relaxed and less on edge or defensive.

Having a courageous conversation doesn't necessarily mean it will be any easier than a difficult conversation.  It may still be uncomfortable, even hard.  The difference is how you mentally prepare for it.  If you enter into a courageous conversation with the intention of hearing and understanding the other person's perspective,  you are more likely to successfully identify positive steps to address or correct the issue at hand.